I do not understand why I tried to save him.
Before entering that damned garden, I swore to myself that I would only watch the events as they would unfold. This was not my fight after all - what did I care about mad men who believed they could be gods? May it be the Founders or the Conspirators, it did not matter to me. True, I was no longer human and my life as a proud artisan journey was over. But now I was so much more than that and somehow I knew that getting involved in the fight between these lunatics would only endanger me. As much as we now have access to powerful new abilities of an infernal nature, I also know we're still very vulnerable. There is just so much that we yet know about the dark arts granted to us by the blood of our sires.
But when the fighting began and I saw Rafael on the ground being gored by that brute, I knew I had to act. As much as this unlife has been full of dangers left and right, there were still debts to be paid and some sense of humanity to be maintained.
Humanity - what a strange thought now that we are of the undead. What does it mean to be human anymore, now that we can mold flesh to our whims, control the very shadows around us and even summon lesser creatures to our aid? When one can move with preternatural speed or see into the very thoughts of other men, are we still human to any extent?
What did my humanity get me? I failed in my attempts to save Rafael and was injured significantly because of it. After the winds began, again I gave into my human instincts but instead was rewarded with a loss of the precious vitae that keeps us alive, for lack of a better term.
My humanity be damned. I see no reason to continue on with this lot. I was lucky to escape the harrowing events of that night in the garden with my pale semblance of a life barely intact!
No, my mission is clear. These abilities were given for a reason - one that directly links to my former artistry as a journeyman. But no longer will I need to kowtow to the Church and the nobles who have want of my previous services. Now I will learn how to craft the very flesh and bone of our bodies to achieve true perfection.
And to do this, I know my path must lead to the Lady.