Hanz Braun Viecht is a strange fellow, but among my fellow Children I dare say I count him as a friend. Friendship seems like such an alien concept to me now - perhaps a consequence of this unholy life of the damned. One cannot fully appreciate the "value" of human company when one moment they appear like tempting bags of blood and the next they're gone.
Many stories have been told about the wonders of immortality and how so many have sought after this gift. But I doubt anyone who was actually immortal would ever share the sentiments that this is some sort of blessing. Instead it's a curse - an eternal struggle with boredom and despair as anyone you grow attached to eventually die, as mortals are fated to eventually.
You would think then that the natural instinct would be to turn to my kind to seek any form of companionship, but even that has proved difficult for me. Perhaps it is because of the nature of my blood as Tzimisce - our gift are quite...unique, to say the least. Even among fellow walkers of the night our powers are a bit repulsive to some.
But even among Tzimisce it is hard to find comfort. Friendship is a relationship between equals and clearly my clan does not see me as equal. Instead many revere me or are wary of me as they call me the "Chosen of the First". And yet I have not even met the Lady who has supposedly chosen me.
And so I return to Hanz, perhaps my only comfort on this unusual reunion with my fellow Children. What initially started as seeking comfort in finding a fellow countryman to speak to has developed into an odd degree of trust between him and I. But that trust is not easy to manage given the nature of his gifts as well. His lack of inhibitions when it comes to utilizing his powers to gain glimpses of others thoughts can be unsettling, but at the same time it has proven useful time and time again.
But at the same time, his recent behavior has me wondering more and more how stable he is. Constantly sifting through the minds of lesser beings as he does is taxing, to say the least. When one's thoughts are constantly intermixed with those of all those around you, how do you manage to keep your sense of self? How do you retain your own sanity?
And beyond this, I fear that Hanz has done some terrible things over the course of the past decades. We have all done things that our past selves would have been appalled at, I'm certain, but there is clearly more to things that what is apparent. It's surprising that Hanz can actually keep a secret given his personality, but his doing so makes it all the more frightening. And based on what he revealed tonight, well, it makes me wonder about what I truly know about this man - or whatever dark thing he has become.
So Hanz, my friend (for lack of a better term). What have you done that terrifies you so?
And do I really want to know?