Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Dark Thoughts Or Prophetic Visions?

Steffan WandermannIt has been more than two centuries since I had last seen my "siblings" of the blood - and yet already I feel it has been too soon for a reunion. Trouble seems to follow us as a group as if we were cursed, but I suppose we all knew that to be true since the night we were embraced by the damned Conspiracy.

Yes, we are definitely cursed and woe and misfortune follow us everywhere we go.

But what was more disturbing for me beyond the attack on our vessel was the odd resurgence of memories I had long buried. Why my thoughts have returned to the dark events of the past centuries - the fall of Cathedral of Flesh, the salt witch creature and of course Vlad - I know not the reason. But if I've learned anything since my Embrace, these are visions that I cannot easily dismiss offhand.

Are these warnings about my vulnerabilities? That day I scarcely escaped the salt fiend was a strong reminder of how even as Kindred we remain so fragile. But beyond that, it also reinforced the many ways that even we, with all of our preternatural abilities, can be manipulated and controlled. I still do not know for sure what happened in the five years I "lost", and I certainly do not look forward to that happening to me again.

But beyond all the other memories that have forced their way into my consciousness even during the heat of battle, why Vlad? I have not turned my thoughts to him since the fall of the Cathedral - at least that's as far as I can remember. I can never be too sure about such things anymore. But Tepes was always an individual that put me on edge even among fellow Tzimisce. He was always a strange mix of beauty and brutality in one individual.

And one that I had been asked to Sire.

While immortality is an amazing gift in itself, I can only wonder if the human mind was built to live this long. Can we truly remember everything that happens in more than 200 years of existence? When do years start feeling like mere minutes or even seconds of time in the greater scheme of things? And if the mind can only handle so much, then what dark designs makes one remember some of the most horrific periods of my undead life?

For now I shall bide my time with my siblings, if only to learn more about what they're about at this point. There have been so many changes since the night in the garden and we're all grown in different ways, if we can call it that. But more and more I remain uncertain as to how far I can trust them. There are too many things going on beyond our understanding and once again I feel we are at a point when events are moving us around like pawns instead of us shaping events.

Given what happened the last time we all gathered together on that fateful night, I can only hope to find a way to make sure we come out with a different outcome. This time I will take control of my own fate - or at least escape being trapped in the designs of others.

No comments:

Post a Comment